“You duped me, O LORD, and I let myself be duped. You were too strong for me, and you prevailed. All day long I am an object of laughter; everyone mocks me. Whenever I speak, I must cry out, violence and outrage I proclaim; the word of the LORD has brought me reproach and derision all day long. I say I will not mention him, I will no longer speak in his name. But then it is as if fire is burning in my heart, imprisoned in my bones; I grow weary holding back, I cannot!”
– Jeremiah 20: 7-9
By the time I graduated with my Bachelor of Music degree in Composition from UNT, I had been working weekends at both the Catholic and Baptist churches for a number of years. I had been on the interview committee when the current music director at St. Philip’s was hired, and under this new leadership, the music ministry program was growing. I was still in charge of the Life Teen group, only now there was also a regular adult choir singing every other week, alternating with a newly-formed children’s choir. In addition, there was a budding handbell program, with about 8-10 students playing at Mass once a month. I remember when the music director asked me, “Shawn, what would it take to get you out of the Baptist church Sunday mornings?” The answer was “a salaried part-time assistant director position.” A couple months later, that happened.
I grew a lot working under Judy Duncan. I ended up accompanying most of the Masses, leaving her to work more with the singers and handbell students and not be tied behind the piano. I had a lot of volunteer experience and by that time, a significant formal music education, but she helped fill in the gaps that I was less in tune to at the time – building and maintaining a choral library, managing a volunteer database, a lot more of the administrative aspects to parish office life. When she announced she was leaving the parish in late 2006 (as her husband had accepted a position in the biotech industry back in their home state of Iowa,) I thought long and hard about where I was my future heading… before submitting my resume for the newly-open Director of Music Ministry position at Saint Philip’s.
Perhaps I was overly naïve as a freshly out-of-college grad, but the process did not go as I had expected. Judy has stayed through the busy Christmas season, and planned music for the upcoming Ordinary Time. (Saint Philip’s published their own worship aids – a practice I eventually adopted once I landed at Incarnation.) I was of course stepping up and filling in as much as I could in the absence of my previous boss, leading the multiple choirs, scheduling cantors, etc., with the assistance of a couple other parishioners who stepped in as accompanists while the search for a new full-time director began. A few weeks after I had decided to submit my resume, I had an interview scheduled, only to be cancelled earlier that day. The interview was rescheduled and then again cancelled when less than a quorum of the interview committee was available. Before a third interview date was set, I recall being summoned to meet with the deacon (who was also the HR director for the parish.) He sat be down and told me, “I know you do a lot of theatre work. You realize if you go into Music Ministry, you’ll have to give that all up, right?” While I now realize this was in no way true, I told him I was prepared for that possibility and had naturally considered this before applying. At this point, a third interview was scheduled.
It was then I decided I needed to look elsewhere. I felt I wasn’t being given a fair chance; the staff at Saint Philip’s saw me as the high school kid I was when I came there ten years prior, not the college educated young adult that I was now or the musician with over a decade of liturgical experience under my belt. So I decided it was time for a leap of faith. I was 26, single and unattached with no real roots in Texas, so I asked myself, “if I could live anywhere in the country where would it be?” I started looking at job listings through the National Association of Pastoral Musicians and saw one that looked interesting. I called up my former boss (who had met her husband living in greater Boston) and asked her if she knew anything about the pastor, a Fr. Sean McCarthy at Our Lady Comforter of the Afflicted in Waltham, MA. Judy not only knew him, but positively gushed about him. “You two would LOVE working with each other! Send me your resume, let me look it over, and I’ll pass it along to him personally.” She did, and after a couple phone interviews, I booked a flight to Boston for an interview.
We were now beginning Lent. After months of being the de facto director at St. Philip’s I finally secured a long awaited interview at home as well. A few days after, I was asked to meet with the pastor. We walked into Judy’s old office, and he asked me, “what color would you like the walls in your new office painted?” The job I had felt like I was auditioning for for months now was finally mine. But I told him, “I appreciate the offer, and will take it under consideration. But I already have arrangements made for another interview up in Massachusetts, and feel I need to honor that as well.” He agreed (especially after the runaround I had experienced previously,) and I flew up to New England, with the newfound confidence of an offer in my pocket should things not go according to expectations.
Of course, they did. I spent the weekend playing Masses, working with OLCA’s choir and meeting their cantors, and sitting down with Fr. Sean to plan their Triduum. (After all, they too had been without a director for a few months at that point.) Saturday evening, he took me down to the North End, and I remember calling my friend Judy when I got back to my hotel to relay the whole weekend. “Oh, he’s pulling out all the stops… he want’s you for sure,” she reassured me. And she was right. After the Sunday masses, before driving me back to Logan, I had a second offer. And sure enough, the allure of the city, the hospitality and welcome I experienced… it all led me to book a return flight to Boston and start apartment shopping.
Then, six months after moving halfway across the country to work with Fr. Sean, he announced he was going on sabbatical. Shortly thereafter, he decided to leave active parish ministry. I felt abandoned and betrayed. I didn’t know the incoming pastor, but had gotten word the two of us might not work as well together as I did with Fr. Sean. So I approached him with my concerns and fears, asking if he knew anywhere else I may be a better fit in the area. Shortly thereafter, on his recommendation, I came for an interview with Fr. Jim Field at Incarnation Parish in Melrose. I’m sure most of you can piece the rest of the story from there. So my journey to the Wakefield/Melrose collaborative was indeed a long one, but as I write this out now in detail, two things seem most evident. The first – God’s plan for me and the direction I was to take was constant and purposeful from the very beginning. I knew at an early age I wanted to be a musician, and the liturgical direction may have been less deliberate on my part, but was no less consistent on God’s part. The second – every time I became scared to death of things falling apart in my plan for my life, there were better things waiting for me that I just could not see yet. Moving to Texas, feeling rejected at my home parish, or sensing that the anchor I had been seeking had been torn from me – they all forced me into situations that stretched and pulled me in ways I didn’t know I was capable of growing. But as always, God knew better than I did.
Please accept this invitation to participate more fully, more actively, in our parish’s music ministry. If you are interested in singing in the choir, leading the congregation as a cantor, or enriching our liturgy as an instrumentalist, email Shawn Gelzleichter at sgelzleichter@gmail.com or call the rectory at 781-662-8844.